George's Romance

Looking for romantic places in London?

George Trellis, Do Me ... London’s nostalgic, aged sex-maniac, presents you with a selection of London's most romantic spots.

“We all like to go a’courtin and London has to be one of the most romantic cities in the world. And its not all abaht speed dating and internet chat rooms. The city has many sechluded spots, passionate places and amorous alleyways to canoodle in. Here's a selection of some of the places I have been known to frequent with a young belle. O'course I’ve been banned from most of 'em nawh."

The South Bank - Possibly the most romantic place in London is to sit on a bench outside the National Gallery, looking at the river with love in your heart and a tongue in your earhole.

Primrose Hill - It even sounds romantic. The view is lovely and you can see policemen approaching a mile off.

Waterstones Picadilly - Love and literature on the top floor bar of this monumental London bookshop. Don’t forget the copy of Lady Chatterly and the rohipnol.

Kenwood House - A stately home in London with beautiful gardens and a lake. There were concerts in the summer but the locals soon put a stop to that.

Thames Cruise - There are boats you can sit down to a romantic dinner as you glide gently down the stream. A word of advice, don’t eat the food.

National Gallery - Six centuries of naked flesh on canvas and free entry for the ultimate cheap date, with late night opening on a Wednseday.

St Paul’s Cathedral - Whisper sweet nothings in the whispering gallery to your partner from a hundred yards away as your words reverberate around the circular wall. If you say anything too filthy you’ve got time to leg it before they run round and clout you.

Gordon's Wine Bar - Red, white, champagne and lots of dimly-lit corners in the underground tavern that is one of London’s oldest licensed premises.

St James’s Park - At night a favourite with politicians and palace staff.

Selfridges - Go shopping here before you get married, you’ll never be able to afford it after.

Liberty’s - A creaky old shop for creaky old customers.

Soho Square - A serene bit of green to while away the afternoon with your seventeen year old Hungarian escort.

Regent's Park - Hire a boat on the lake if the date doesn’t go well you can always jump ship.

London Zoo - What better way to stir primitive urges than to watch the beasts of the jungle and plain going at it like knives.

Tower Bridge - The high walkways are a perfect place to begin, or end a relationship.

Ye Olde Cheshire Cheese - An old boozer that has no doubt seen many a secret knee-trembler in its basement alcoves.

Temple - An oasis of calm with lovely Georgian buildings and a fountain courtyard, careful what you get up to though, you’re surrounded by lawyers.

Somerset House - The courtyard has Ice skating in the winter or concerts in the summer, either way it’s a sure fire bet for a bit of ‘ows yer father.

Fortnum & Mason - Lashing out a fortune on expensive chocolates will pay dividends on your bedroom account.

Oxo Tower - For an adventurous date, who wouldn’t like to be taken up the Oxo Tower.